I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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