That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
