martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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