My room smells like vodka and shame
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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