I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize