bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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