The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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