sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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