remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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