It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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