i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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