that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
