His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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