If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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