I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
