Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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