All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My vagina just recognized that song.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
