After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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