I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
