you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
