that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
only you would photoshop your dick
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
