Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
