I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
