As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize