I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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