I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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