I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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