I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
