I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
