People in love make me want to vomit
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
