I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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