I'm gonna have a badass scar
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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