Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
