I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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