there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
