is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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