did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
