Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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