Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
