I bet he comes in French.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
