my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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