Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
