If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
