So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
no you cant smoke seaweed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
