sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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