yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
