I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
