I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
