What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
