girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
