I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
