3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
