I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
