So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
