Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
