Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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