all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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