Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
