his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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