What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
