Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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