I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
