What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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