I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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