It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
