I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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