i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
