so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
