Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
MIDGETS
????
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
