i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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