Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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