I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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