weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
