I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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