It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
