when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize