Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
