Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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