Im at strip club and am horny
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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