We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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