If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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