I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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