you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
