i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
