I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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