I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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