so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
