I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
