Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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