i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
