Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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