i would punch a child for taco bell
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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